How to Gain Respect Back from Your TeenagerAuthor: Rose Lester
Have you found yourself in a situation where your teenager does not Listen or Respect you? Is your teenager pushing your boundaries and showing no respect, being rude and even yelling?
Like many parents, we at some stage feel that we are not getting the respect we deserve from our teenagers. They can be downright rude at times and even quiet insolent. It may be there is zero respect and every time your teen speaks to you, they are talking down, or yelling or screaming. It can be horrible and very draining when they don’t listen to you, and you try to fight back to try to get them to see your point and you end up in an argument and then yelling and then , yes, wait for it...screaming. God help the screamers!! Well, you’re not alone in your pain. But did you know you are doing it all wrong? If this is you, yelling back and God forbid, losing your cool and screaming to silence the already screaming, then you really need to read this to get back the respect you deserve and mend your relationship! I’ve been down this road and had a screamer on my hands, and I learnt a few secrets I want to share with other parents to help them. The secrets I share in my book ‘Pearls of Wisdom’ turned my drug using teenager, that turned screamer from the drugs, who tried to commit suicide three times due to drunken, drug infused attempts, how I turned our situation completely around, got my daughter off drugs, off alcohol and out of that scene. Her life has been completely turned around now and you would never know she is the same person who suffered depression and anger years ago.
If you need some help in your household, listen up friend, as I’m here to help any parent willing to apply what they want to learn to save their situation and teen.
God helps those that help themselves. If you’re searching for answers, you will find them. If your let your situation go, hoping your teen will outgrow their rebellion, you may end up still hoping that hope whilst you watch the years roll by with addictions and separation in your relationship, when you can have the opportunity to learn, apply, and enjoy mended hearts. It’s up to you.
In my book ‘Pearls of Wisdom’ I speak of how to gain respect back, but it is very important to know and understand WHY it is that your teenager has lost respect in the first place? Then if you can get some idea of what perhaps you may doing to be contributing to that loss of respect, you can then start to go back and reverse what it is your doing, for your part, to help bring respect back into your relationship. No one likes or enjoys disrespect. It is rude and degrading when someone doesn’t listen or better yet, ignores you with rudeness. It is our God given right to have respect and love and even kindness shown to us by own very own teenagers, yet why is it, that few treat their parents with respect?
Let’s look at a few factors that may help to gain respect back and help restore your relationship. Firstly, it is crucial to look in the mirror and see how you are talking to your teenager. Do you boss them around with the notion that because you’re the parent, it means the child has to obey you or else? Have you turned into a bossy parent and lost your loving touch that drew your child to you when they were little? I have heard the saying, that when you fall in love, it’s effortless. It’s easy. BUT if you want to stay in love, just keep doing what it was that you did when you were falling in love. You could look at it like this... In the early days of falling in love, you didn’t boss you partner around (or much!) You were kind to each other, spoke well of each other, you saw the good points about that person. You lifted that person up and didn’t pull them down. You didn’t let the little things annoy you and so you shrugged off any little grievances. You spent time and grew closer by bonding. Then, as time went on, you started to take advantage of each other, you didn’t appreciate the little things as much, you started to pick on faults that never bothered you before and before you know it, you’re fighting and quarrelling, and you never used to. You wake up one day and think ‘how did we lose respect for each other? Where along the way did we lose the love we had for each other?’ Well, it’s no different to your relationship with your teenager. The only difference is the type of relationship. Parent-child-teenager relationship verses boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. You see the rules are the same. It’s called respect. It’s not that hard to gain it back, and it can start with ‘you’.
Think about it, when you speak kindly to someone, they generally speak kindly ‘back’. Or, if you speak rudely to someone, expect them to speak rudely ‘back’. If you start to let little things get to you, you will sooner or later start to express these annoyances and start to quarrel. Then the respect aspect of the relationship starts to go downhill. Respect is earned, and we as parents can gain it back and it starts with us.
Imagine your teenager speaking rudely to you. That’s because they lack respect for you. They wouldn’t speak to the prime minister like that. You would hope! When your teenager continually speaks rudely to you, it’s normal to put up walls and respond back in an equally rude voice. But if you want to gain it back, you must make some changes, and it starts with you. So here goes. Next time you’re spoken to rudely, shut up and just watch the reaction you will get. If you MUST say something, make ‘sure’ you don’t speak to them in the same rude way they are speaking to you. The ‘secret’ is to break, the ‘habit’ of speaking down or rudely. You see we talk in tones and ways we don’t even realize that come out rude and abrupt and people can easily take offence. It’s really about taming the tongue and controlling ‘your’ ‘emotions’.
If YOU can, and speak kindly and softly ‘back’ despite what words are thrown your way, you will sooner or later get your teenager to start mirroring you. If you make that determined effort to shut up, if words start to get angry and they are coming your way, speak softly and kindly in return. You will in time, have it come back on you in the same manner that you give it. Kind words. Your teenager will in time mirror you. If you speak with respect to them, they will come around and start to learn to respect you again. Respect can be reversed and mended and hearts can truly be healed through the power of words. Start to practice respecting your teenager in the way that you speak to them, and sooner than you think, you will see them start respecting you again.
*If you like what you have learned and would like to learn more secrets on how to mend brokenness in your relationships and turn rebellious hearts back to you, go to www.helptroubleyouth.com From one parents heart to another,Rose Lester