I reverted my attention to adults. What I got, granted not a too perfect random selection of candidates; was a handful of ‘complaints’ for Christmas. I decided to limit it to 10 complaints [or wishes] per gender [anonymous contributions].
1. ‘My husband knows that the garden hose is leaking, worse, just about falling apart. I told him 4 months ago already. For Christmas, I would like him to buy a new garden hose or to fix it. Or at least to tell me that it’s my duty to sort out the issue, to stop blaming me for a ‘dry’ garden’, and not to continue making empty promises while afterwards throwing it back into my face.’
2. ‘My husband has been promising me a vegetable garden for 10 years. Finally he put up the fences (after 8 years). I would like him to complete the garden set-up within the next 5 years…. And to stop complaining in the meantime about the prices I pay for having to buy vegetables and fruit.’
3. ‘3 weeks ago I told my husband that the air conditioner in the room is spraying water all over the place. It really damages the carpets and furniture. When I reminded him again this morning, he got all upset and asked me what I expect him to do? For Christmas I would like him to help me getting the right people to fix the problem.’
4. ‘I would like my husband to be involved and help paying for Christmas gifts I purchase for his family and not to crap all over me on old Christmas Eve because I bought the ‘wrong presents.’’
5. ‘I would like my husband to remember to close the refrigerator door after he raided all the goodies. Or to put back the caps on items he uses and also, to put back the cold stuff back in the refrigerator. His actions costs labour and money which he then afterwards blames me for.’
6. ‘I would like my husband to inform me also when he invites friends to stay over for the holiday, and not to inform me an hour beforehand ‘accidentally’ and then to complain when I am not able to cater for all their needs.’
7. ‘I would like my husband to speak to me respectfully and not as if I am part of his staff. I am not his domestic, or a slave.’
8. ‘Stop using internet so much. Why does he need pornography when I am right here?’
9. I would like my husband to compliment me more often. On anything.’
10. ‘I would like a husband whom I can go to and talk at least about the problems, even if I don’t expect him to solve it. All I want, is the opportunity to talk to him about it, without him complaining about me bitching.’
1. ‘I want more sex.’
2. ‘Stop nagging about problems’.
3. ‘Stop bitching so much about everything.’
4. ‘Get over the fight, I did, and give me sex.’
5. ‘I want the respect I am due as head of the household.’
6. ‘Take care of the children yourself. I have enough work as it is.’
7. ‘Respect my job and whatever I do otherwise which is more important than yours.’
8. ‘Remember I am providing for you and the kids, and I can any time quit my job and become a bum if I want to. Where will this leave you?’
9. ‘I prefer my alcohol to my marriage. If I have to choose, I choose the alcohol. Alcohol does n't complain or bitch’.
10. ‘Please focus on how I love you and what I am trying to do to support you and the family. I cannot afford diamonds or overseas trips, but I love you none the less’.
Woa, a mouthful. Is this what Christmas has boiled down to? I was actually expecting items such as a Jenna Clifford bracelet, a holiday at the beach, a couple of days at the Spa, etc etc etc.
And there was so much more comments or ‘wish lists’ to choose from…
This is difficult to comment on. I am married, with a husband, and have much similar complaints (Surely so does my husband). And I never intended this blog to be a guidance for marriage counselling. It was supposed to be about Christmas gifts.
So my quick-quick Christmas recommendations might not come too welcome to either of the genders:
Ladies, stop procrastinating. Become empowered. Get in the Air-Con man or buy a new garden hose yourself, at the local hard ware store (Just warn husband beforehand). Surely by now you know what your husband is capable of and/or not. And by the way, withholding sex is never a good idea to solve marriage problems.
Gents, stop nagging about sex. Or respect. If you don’t contribute to the household or helping with the kids – which by the way, your wife was not able to magically bring into this world without your very active participation – she will simply have to energy for that required hanky-panky you so wish for.
And using income as emotional blackmail… low, very low, indeed. Ho la most of your wives also attempt at providing income even though their incomes might not equivalent yours. While you might be the prime provider, it’s not the income or purely the label ‘head of the household’ that demands respect: it’s your actions. So start treating your wife/s with respect. She is after all the one who has to wash your dirty undies…
Little note of advice – no decent woman wants to have sex with a man she disrespects, or with a man that does not treat her with respect. And vice versa.
If you want respect – you have to earn it. Small steps – it might so small as simply the wording you use when talking to your wife or husband.
Mostly it’s the small behaviors that causes most problems. The little things. Those we so easily forget…. Put the cap back on the toothpaste, close the refrigerator door, stop blaming your partner for crap….
I think, for myself and based upon above information, I just might quickly also draw up a ‘promise book of coupons’ for my own husband as Christmas Gift. Something in the line of ‘6x back-rubs, 7x play the TV as loud as you want in the evening without me complaining up to 2200, 2x me picking up dirty socks from the floor (and not throwing it away…) 7x sex whenever you want’ and so forth. You get the idea, I presume…
Might be worth more than any exotic or expensive gift which lasts only on Christmas day...
And maybe then we all might have a good Christmas and 2015!